will come through.I have a lot to talk about today, and its all just shit I’m going thought right now !!!!! The first thing I wont to talk about it my mom , and why I am just not really al that happy with her right now , and don’t get me wrong , I love my mom more then I can really say . She truly is to me the best mom in the world. She loves me no matter what and I know that. . . . . . That being said, let me tell you why I’m not to happy with her right now. I decided to take the kids over to her to spend the day with her before we when to church. Now we got over to her house at about 7 , or 8 this morning and church don’t start till 12 so that’s like , what 4 to 5 hours right cool. I told her I was going to leave there and go to church, straight to church. She told me I couldn’t wear what I had on to church ????? What !!!! I go to a come as you are church right. As long as you are covered up, come on in and get the good news of our Lord. I will add pics of what I have on. She said I needed to change my top. I am covered, and she doesn’t ever go to the church I attend, not for real. She is not a member and either am I but I’m thinking about joining. Well she knows her opinion matters to me. So after she went on and on about how I needed to change I just said forget it I won’t go and I did, and now I feel bad about it . . . . Now aint that just something. I won’t let it happen again because I know where I need to be when my heart tells me to go. And I will go just as I am, because God loves me no matter what I am wearing or how my hair looks. So that that. She believes what she believes and I believe what I believe and that’s just that. Really I’m mad at my self for letting her get to me , and let my anger stop me from doing I needed to do for me . It won’t happen again.
I’m loving my man but, there is no sex going on her, is God trying to tell me something or what ???? I have never been with some one, yet been this sexually frustrated. My man back is out and I am trying to be right with him but I wont sex , do I need it to be happy , no. surprisingly I really don’t . but oh how I love the way it feels, and I don’t wont to do with out it, but what am I to do, please tell me. To cheat is not in, and to masturbate when I have a man makes me feel lonely and alone. When I got with him , I gave up all of my toys , not that I had a lot of them , but I did give them all up because he was uncomfortable with me having them . He use to put it down when ever I wonted it , and mind you I have a high sex drive , if I could have it ever night , then ever night I wont it . But now, it’s May and we have only been together two times. Shit what am I going to do, how am I going to get through this, for lack of a better word, dry spell. Shit I hate this , I love him and I need him and I wont him , but I need him to wont me to and I him , unwonted right now. So so so unwonted. And he say that’s not what it is, it’s his back. . . . . . . His back , his back stops him from fucking me , but does it stop him from touching me , holding me , corseting me ?????? Well !!!!!!
I don’t think so. Now he say if he do A , he gone to wont B , so sent he can’t do B , he wont do A . No right not right not right !!!!!!!! If I can’t have B, I need A. It’s a must have. When I try to talk to him about it he gat this hurt look in his eyes, as if I trying to hurt him, by telling him how I’m hurting. So what am I to do, you tell me.
Now let talk financial, shit I’m broke and looking for a job so we can do better. Well I have put out application all over the place. But only one call back so far , but I couldn’t do the job because they wonted me to work in the day time hour when I would need to pick up , and drop off my summer school kids so I’m still looking . But God willing I will find to keep us going till we can do better, I just need something to help us make it thought the summer. I got some job I will be checking into Monday. Hopefully something