he don't love me like I love him

What s on Cassandra mind, you may ask, well I’ll tell you what’s on my mind.
Saturday night I called Terrence to tell him I missed him and I wonted him to come home, well he going to tell me not to start!?! I’m like what do you mean don’t start???? I said “you been spending a lot of nights out and I wont you to come home and spend some time with me, you know that moo foo said he would deal with me when he get home!!!! This was at about 12:00am so I fall asleep, he calls me at about 1:30 talking about so what’s up with me????? I’m like are you on your way home?? He said no. so I said ok, and he hang up. What’s up with that??? Why would you even call me if you knew you where not coming home. Shit let me sleep. So now I’m up and hot right at 3 I call him and ask when are you coming home, he doesn’t answer the phone , I text him he doesn’t response for a long time……. Then he text me back about a ½ hour latter with some bull shit but I let that shit go. Right. Now why the next morning at about 10am some bitch text him talking about she miss him and she dreamed about him last night!!!!! What kind of shit is that!!!!! I confront him about it, and he gave me some bull shit about it being a customer who is just talking shit. Right!!!! And now I just really don’t know what to do. Precious love him so much and that’s what keep me from giving up on this hole thing , cause really truly love him with all of my heart but I just don’t feel like he feels the same way about me . Shit what am I going to do? I spent all of yesterday in my bedroom trying my best not to cry. . . . . . . I would not let him see my brake down of his shit, now it could be exactly what he said it is. But it a matter of respect!!!! Why would you let some bitch think its ok to send you messages like that? I have mail friend but they know that he (Terrence) is my mine priority, not one of my friends would ever disrespect him in anyway. He knows and they know he come first with me. But a lot of the time I don’t feel that he feel the same for me because I don’t feel that I truly come first for him. Hell there is no way I would have stayed out like that , but if I did stay out late , if he had called me ,I would came right on home , and he knows that. I am so unhappy right now. . . . . . .

July - 06 - 2008

He is the love of my life , but is my life suppose to be sex free ???? I am a very sexual woman , and he is not giving me what I need on any kind of regular basics , shit . It getting to the point that that’s all I think about , cause I’m not getting it !!!!! Damn. We made love the night of the 4th ( by the way happy fucking 4th ) but before then it had been months. . . . . . . . . . Not days or weeks , but months !!!!!!! This is July and I can count the time we have had sex on one hand , and have two fingers left over !!!! You know that shit hurts , especially when I tined to equated sex with love , and I do . Know intellectually I know he loves me , he shows me in other way but need him to show in a very physical way. I need to feel wonted . I wont him to not be able to keep his hands off of me !!!!!!! It used to be like that . . . . . But now that his back is not right he don’t wont to touch me , he said it cause he can’t do any thing with me . But I feel like I’m being punish !!!!!! When he made love to me the night his back started to hurt him worst , so now I’m happy because he makes me feel so good when he is inside of me , but bad cause now he is hurting . Not fair , not fair , not fair !!!!!!!!!!